A transcript page for this article can be found here.

The firewood guy is the person who orders firewood by phone; 4 hours and 10 minutes after a new game is started, and after 8 hours and 20 minutes each time firewood has been delivered to him. He looks to be a man in his mid 40s, wearing plaid pants, brown shoes, black socks and a dirty white tank top. He has light brown hair and light brown facial hair. His name is not mentioned in-game, similar to most of the other job-related NPCs. He's seen drinking a bottle of booze, standing out in front of his house.

When the player brings a trailer full of firewood in Kekmet, he will look at the player and motion his arm towards the end of his driveway, signalling for the player to back the trailer into his driveway. After the player dumps the firewood, he will thank the player and hand them their earned money. The developer ToplessGun has not added English subtitles for the words spoken upon delivery. The only quote he has with an English subtitle is when he is on the phone asking the player for a flatbed of firewood.

This character cannot be killed; although, if hit with an object (sledgehammer, pizza or even if the player walks too close to him) he can pass out and fall to the ground. Saving and reloading the game will fix this. If not he will not be there for the next fair few days and/or until the next phone call. Late during the night or early during the morning, he will not be standing in front of his house, most likely inside sleeping.


Main article: Firewood guy/Transcript
  • "Hello! I would like to buy a flatbed load of firewoods. You can deliver them any time!"


  • His dialogue is often mistaken to say "macaroni" because of the way he talks, but what he actually says translates to "sausages, so".